August 12, 2009

i’m pretty psyched on this grey kangaroo.  not so psyched about jet lag, and its symptom of waking me before the dawn.

how can people consume kangaroos?  i’m going to become the annoying american spokesperson for the halt of all kangaroo consumption.  i mean, i get that they are chronic ‘pests’ but damn.. so docile and cute.

July 19, 2009
just one more, promise. i’m the one in all the colors/patterns that never match.

just one more, promise.

i’m the one in all the colors/patterns that never match.

well, we’re in australia.  sorry this isn’t GPOYW, i honestly am the pits at math and i wouldn’t know the time difference in America anyway (i’ve tried.. i think it’s 14 hours?) - so it’s monday morning here and sunday evening where all of you are. matt’s 15 year old half-siamese cat sleeps on my stomach at night, judging me silently with huge yellow eyes.  it’s winter here but people still have relevant botany in their yards.  on my first day here, i cried my eyeliner down in some perfect ramshackle bar because they had kangaroo pizza and all i wanted was sauce & cheese, i DID NOT want to consume one of australia’s national icons.  but it’s gotten much better from that point.  we’ve gone to the aquarium and the zoo, gone to old museums (think new york’s natural history museum and date it even further), ran in the morning and rainbow lorakeets have flown far above our heads.  i also saw a kookaburra in its natural habitat.  still learning how to deal with being a passenger on the left side of a car. this photo is from the party that matt’s family had for all of his old high school and uni friends.  a messy end to the night, where the made us drink sambucca (zambucca?  i don’t know.  it tastes horrible) and one of matt’s old rugby friends let me borrow his old boy shirt to protect from the southern hemisphere chill. i do actually miss DC.  but i’ve got three more weeks here in this strange and sunburned country.  bill bryson i shall never be but i’m doing my best.

well, we’re in australia.  sorry this isn’t GPOYW, i honestly am the pits at math and i wouldn’t know the time difference in America anyway (i’ve tried.. i think it’s 14 hours?) - so it’s monday morning here and sunday evening where all of you are.

matt’s 15 year old half-siamese cat sleeps on my stomach at night, judging me silently with huge yellow eyes.  it’s winter here but people still have relevant botany in their yards.  on my first day here, i cried my eyeliner down in some perfect ramshackle bar because they had kangaroo pizza and all i wanted was sauce & cheese, i DID NOT want to consume one of australia’s national icons.  but it’s gotten much better from that point.  we’ve gone to the aquarium and the zoo, gone to old museums (think new york’s natural history museum and date it even further), ran in the morning and rainbow lorakeets have flown far above our heads.  i also saw a kookaburra in its natural habitat.  still learning how to deal with being a passenger on the left side of a car.

this photo is from the party that matt’s family had for all of his old high school and uni friends.  a messy end to the night, where the made us drink sambucca (zambucca?  i don’t know.  it tastes horrible) and one of matt’s old rugby friends let me borrow his old boy shirt to protect from the southern hemisphere chill.

i do actually miss DC.  but i’ve got three more weeks here in this strange and sunburned country.  bill bryson i shall never be but i’m doing my best.

July 2, 2009
when i was little, i wanted to date JJ (emilio e) from the bishop of battle.  i liked his style and the way that he worked a plastic video game gun. it might’ve gotten a little weird for me when he disappeared, though. “hey hilarie, where’s your boyfriend?” “ohhh.  uh.  JJ?  funniest thing.  he had to go and be awesome inside an arcade game, killing aliens and death stars and shit.” “oh.”

when i was little, i wanted to date JJ (emilio e) from the bishop of battle.  i liked his style and the way that he worked a plastic video game gun.

it might’ve gotten a little weird for me when he disappeared, though.

“hey hilarie, where’s your boyfriend?”

“ohhh.  uh.  JJ?  funniest thing.  he had to go and be awesome inside an arcade game, killing aliens and death stars and shit.”

“oh.”

i have a few things to get off my chest. our trivia name last night was ‘the jackson four’.  many audible groans, one table full of mildly enthusiastic hand claps. i took a photo because every time i look at myself (ok, maybe it’s more like 3 times out of 5) i wish that i had brown eyes.  i have wished this for myself starting around the age of 6.  i don’t know why?  i just feel like brown eyes are heartier.  once in college a dumb boyfriend likened my eyes to the velvet underground song.  i guess he meant it as a compliment.  i crumpled. in the background is a calendar of australian animals.  the calendar is flipped to the tasmanian devil page.  it is from march 2009. i will spend my july fourth weekend drawing cartoons in a journal with every other page ripped out, trying not to fight with my parents, and sneaking middle-to-expensive scotch.  welcome back to being 17. also, i’m too afraid to go to the hair cutter because they always realize that i cut my own bangs and then give me sad, sideways glances that say “you are going to die alone in an unwashed sweater”.  that’s why my ponytail creeps to the side.  elastic can’t even contain it anymore.

i have a few things to get off my chest.

our trivia name last night was ‘the jackson four’.  many audible groans, one table full of mildly enthusiastic hand claps.

i took a photo because every time i look at myself (ok, maybe it’s more like 3 times out of 5) i wish that i had brown eyes.  i have wished this for myself starting around the age of 6.  i don’t know why?  i just feel like brown eyes are heartier.  once in college a dumb boyfriend likened my eyes to the velvet underground song.  i guess he meant it as a compliment.  i crumpled.

in the background is a calendar of australian animals.  the calendar is flipped to the tasmanian devil page.  it is from march 2009.

i will spend my july fourth weekend drawing cartoons in a journal with every other page ripped out, trying not to fight with my parents, and sneaking middle-to-expensive scotch.  welcome back to being 17.

also, i’m too afraid to go to the hair cutter because they always realize that i cut my own bangs and then give me sad, sideways glances that say “you are going to die alone in an unwashed sweater”.  that’s why my ponytail creeps to the side.  elastic can’t even contain it anymore.

June 30, 2009
the singlewhitefemale trivia person made me so angry.  i have been drawing terrible, yet therapeutic, images all afternoon.

the singlewhitefemale trivia person made me so angry.  i have been drawing terrible, yet therapeutic, images all afternoon.

breaking up with a clingy trivia team member is the hardest breaking up i have EVER had to do.  i don’t ever really post factual clips of life, but i need this here.  i am SHAKING with misplaced rage.

using any of the below words in wacky combination does not make you funny, you clingy single white female of my nightmares:

crack ass snatch cock twat balls suck fuck grabber

GOD AM I 14?  I SWEAR IT WOULD PROBABLY BE BETTER IF I WERE 14?

June 29, 2009
mr potato head is the most unfulfilling toy of all time. he’s even worse than if you lost, like, 87% of the pegs of your lite brite. at least if you had 13% of the lite brite pegs, you could still create original art. mr. potato head simply doesn’t leave that type of option.  it’s like, put on these 3 choices of plastic eyes & you’re done. I REQUIRE MORE FROM A TOY, sincerely, the girl who was never able to grasp/complete any serious lego architecture instructions

mr potato head is the most unfulfilling toy of all time.

he’s even worse than if you lost, like, 87% of the pegs of your lite brite.

at least if you had 13% of the lite brite pegs, you could still create original art.

mr. potato head simply doesn’t leave that type of option.  it’s like, put on these 3 choices of plastic eyes & you’re done.

I REQUIRE MORE FROM A TOY, sincerely,

the girl who was never able to grasp/complete any serious lego architecture instructions

June 26, 2009
otter pops will always and forever be the ‘filet mignon’ of plastic-encased frozen sugar water.  i’m just sayin.

otter pops will always and forever be the ‘filet mignon’ of plastic-encased frozen sugar water.  i’m just sayin.

i love supermarket sweep.  when i used to watch it, though, i never understood why the contestants didn’t go absolutely wild during their 3 or however many allotted minutes of mania in the store.  they all had “plans” and ran pretty calmly about, stocking up on frozen turkeys.  i NEVER UNDERSTOOD why they didn’t tear screaming down the aisles, running their hands across piles and piles of boxed macaroni and cold medicine, just trying to get items to ricochet into their cart.  kind of like what jeanne garofalo does at the end of “wet hot american summer” when they’re freaking out about the asteroid. i used to watch the show all the time in order to someday glimpse a contestant using my “batshit crazy” strategy.  i never understood why it didn’t happen. i suppose that i still don’t.

i love supermarket sweep.  when i used to watch it, though, i never understood why the contestants didn’t go absolutely wild during their 3 or however many allotted minutes of mania in the store.  they all had “plans” and ran pretty calmly about, stocking up on frozen turkeys.  i NEVER UNDERSTOOD why they didn’t tear screaming down the aisles, running their hands across piles and piles of boxed macaroni and cold medicine, just trying to get items to ricochet into their cart.  kind of like what jeanne garofalo does at the end of “wet hot american summer” when they’re freaking out about the asteroid.

i used to watch the show all the time in order to someday glimpse a contestant using my “batshit crazy” strategy.  i never understood why it didn’t happen.

i suppose that i still don’t.